In my work I often come across women who ask about photoshop, encourage me to solely photograph their "best side", or even refuse to be in the photographs with their children because they aren't comfortable how they look. And while I get (I really, really do), my philosophy has always been that in 10, 20, 50 years - these photographs won't be for you. They're for the generations to come who want to know what their great-grandmother looked like. For your children whom, someday, will cherish this photograph as a way to remember you. No, these photographs really aren't for you. And the people that they are for - they don't care about your fly-aways, or your double chin, or you uneven smile. They care about your laughter and the sparkle in your eye. They care about your heart and your soul. They care about you - and I encourage you to care about the true you also.
So when I'm speaking to women, I'm typically not talking photography, but rather about acceptance of ourselves and who we are as human beings on this planet, who love other little human beings.
I was asked to share a few of my notes from last Saturday's event - and I'm happy to do so.
I first spoke of my own self-doubts as a speaker. I have no formal training. I'm not an "expert". I am probably sharing information that isn't revolutionary to most. But as we looking further into "The Imposter Complex", I was able to re-frame this thinking.
I shared 7 of Tanya Geisler's 12 Lies of the Imposter Complex because they really resonated with me. You might find different lies that fit well with you. We simply used the lies as a way to recognize that we are sitting in this "imposter" space. I suggest we use the accompanying truths to redefine whatever situation we found ourselves in.
Here are my notes:
| Your self doubt is proof of your inadequacies | Your self doubt is proof of your humanity |
| Successful people don't experience this | You are not alone |
| You have nothing useful to say (or original or important) | Your way is the way - When you stop here, you miss out on growth and learning and connection - There is a distinct possibility that what you have to say has been said before, but not in the way you will or did share it |
| You are not ready | Do it - you're ready enough |
| You'll never be able to pull that off again | Your success is the result of the skill and will you brought to the table |
| You can't trust the praise of others | Dare to believe someone when they tell you how remarkable you really are |
| Asking for help is for suckers | Your people want you to succeed. |
I had the women do a simple exercise. This is something I recently started doing when I'm brainstorming ideas of any kind.
- Take a sheet of 8.5x11 paper and fold it into 8 equal sections
- Draw 8 things you are good at. The drawing part is important because it's likely outside your comfort zone. Symbols, stick figures are all acceptable.
- On the back, draw 8 things you'd like to try, master, or experience.
I also mentioned a Brene Brown paragraph from Braving the Wilderness to encourage everyone that they are in control of their own stories.
" ...If we can learn how to feel our way through these experiences and own our stories of struggle, we can write our own brave endings."
I closed with a posting by Seth Godin about Imposter Syndrome. My favourite line is the very final one, which states, "Time spent fretting about our status as impostors is time away from dancing with our fear, from leading, and from doing work that matters. "
I would like to encourage you to step outside the "imposter" space and reach beyond your comfort zone. I believe that you can find something really rewarding on the other side.
